If you’re involved in cross-functional work, it’s easy to fill your calendar with 1:1 meetings. They can be a high-fidelity way to build relationships and collaborate.
The problem is that most of us have no idea how to make them useful — or we’re embarrassed to cut the cord when they’re not — so we end up with a bloated calendar full of ineffective conversations that we dread.
I know this first hand because I’ve personally made all the 1:1 mistakes in the book. I’ve learned a few key lessons that have now helped me develop the confidence and clarity to own my calendar and scale my work.
To help you avoid my mistakes, this article will focus on:
Let’s dive in.
About the Author
Rohan Rajiv leads a product management team on LinkedIn's Talent Solutions business focused on moving the world from hiring based on credentials to hiring based on skills and helping jobseekers find companies and jobs aligned with their pay expectations and values. He has also shared a post every day on his daily learning blog — alearningaday.blog — since May 2008.
The 4 Different Types of 1:1s
Not all 1:1s are made equal, but most of us treat them as a monolith.
There are 4 main types of 1:1s, each with its own intended goal or outcome.
Introductory 1:1s have the primary goal of developing relationships and building empathy
Manager 1:1s have the primary goal of making progress against goals, whether through managing up, getting unblocked, or receiving coaching.
Recurring 1:1s have the primary goal of driving alignment, shared ownership and clear accountability
Ad-hoc 1:1s have the primary goal of collaboration or decision-making
Let’s walk through each type in more detail.
Introductory 1:1s
There's a simple guideline with introductory 1:1s: meet people before you have to ask them for something. As part of your onboarding into any new role or project, figure out each person you expect to work with, and meet them 1:1 first.
A simple way to kick this off is to say: “I’m new to the company/project and would love to get to know you. Can I please find 30m on your calendar to do so?”
Do this early. It will save you heartache and time wasted wading through misunderstanding later.
This type of 1:1 exists to help us get to know people well enough so we can begin to understand them. That paves the way for trust — and, in occasional cases, mistrust. Either way, it is in your interest to make this process happen fast. And a good introductory 1:1 helps with that.
A good introductory 1:1 is all about exchanging stories that helps us get to know and begin to understand the person we’re meeting. Here are 3 prompts I’d suggest:
I'd love to get to know your story — from when you were born to how we're having this conversation. This generally results in a chuckle as folks are used to introductions about their work experience. However, I prefer the story outside of the work experience. With the right follow up questions, this question helps get to what matters to them and why?
If you had a few hours of free time, what would you do? Hobbies tell us a lot about what matters to a person too.
What's the dream? The most common follow up question I get to this is: "Do you mean my work dream, or life dream?" To this, my response is always that it is intentionally ambiguous. Again, this provides more insight into what matters.
All these questions help us get to know the other person and provide hints about how they operate. Once we have a foundation of knowledge and context, it becomes easier to understand why they operate in the way they do. As we see them consistently operate in the trenches, we begin to understand them and trust them.
For example, “contribution,” “relationships,” and “learning” are three incredibly meaningful words to me. My uncle and father both died when I was a pre-teen, and I quickly learned that life might be shorter than we think. That influenced me greatly — so much so that I knew I wanted to contribute positively and abundantly to the world. In a work context, I’m known for showing up with a lot of energy and a desire to do my best. On tougher days, this can show up as impatience.
When my colleagues learn this about me, it can make it much easier to work together. For example, they know I’m always looking for clear feedback when they think I’m being too impatient. Similarly, they know that I’m going to be concerned with the impact above all. These three questions can provide a wealth of context to better understand each other.
As with any trusting relationship, it’s a two-way street. Be prepared to share your story, too.
Manager 1:1s
The signs of a good manager are two-fold: First, they want to help you be the best you can be, and second, they help you get there through their skills, influence, and by holding you accountable.
Subsequently, your manager 1:1 is among the most important meetings in your week because it is the time in the week when you invest in your own development and get unstuck. It’s also a time when you build credibility and trust with someone you want on your side.
The key with these 1:1s is giving your manager all the context you can for them to help you. Successful 1:1s aren't just a pat on the back (though these feel good from time to time); instead, they involve "aha" moments that help us learn more about ourselves and operate better.
For example, one manager gave me a detailed walk through of my body language in a meeting — explaining that the vibes I gave off were perhaps very different from what I might have intended. This feedback was painful to hear in real time. But because we had established our 1:1 as a space for that kind of candid feedback, it was easier for me to hear it and learn from it.
To run a good manager 1:1, ensure the agenda covers what is top of mind for your manager (which should align with your priorities) while providing all the context they need to be helpful. If possible, share a pre-read so they have time to process. Do whatever it takes to protect this time on your calendar. Canceling or avoiding this meeting is a quick way to deprioritize your own growth and success.
Template for Manager 1:1
Here is a template with the structure I use for my 1:1s, inspired by Andy Grove's "High Output Management" playbook where the 1:1 agenda is driven by the direct report vs. the manager.
Click this image to access the template mentioned above.
I do the following during my manager 1:1s:
I share how I'm doing, review my development areas (typically from my last review or career conversation), have a standing update on the top priorities we agreed on for the quarter (or month), and then add a collection of miscellaneous updates and questions.
I then use highlighting to call out what I want to discuss. Anything that is not highlighted is FYI.
I also end with a note of gratitude and call out any and all feedback that helped me learn.
While we build trust with knowledge and understanding, we maintain trust with consistency over time. Creating a consistent and positive 1:1 dynamic goes a long way in creating a high-trust relationship with our managers that evolve into valued friendships long after we stop working with each other.
Note: Not everyone has a manager like the one I’ve described above. A great manager is often the biggest career unlock. If you’re struggling there, it may be time to seek your next move.
3. Recurring 1:1s
Many product teams have an implicit expectation about having recurring 1:1s between cross-functional leads. All too often, if we don’t get explicit about why these recurring meetings are important, we end up wasting a huge amount of time.
Recurring 1:1s can help you understand, empathize with, and debug challenges that your cross-functional partners face. This helps with alignment and collaboration, especially if you’re in a leadership role where you're flying the plane while building it.
For example, cross-functional leaders often need to:
Share information that only one part might be privy to but that impacts the other
Have a partner to think through a gnarly problem with
Understanding the dependencies between workstreams
Share feedback about how the team is operating in order to collectively improve meetings and team norms
However, it’s all too easy to spend your day updating people rather than making real progress. If you notice that your information flow loops more like a constellation and less like a hub-and-spoke, it may be time to revisit these meetings. It simply isn’t feasible or high leverage to have recurring 1:1s with 15 different people. Instead, bring a group together and share context with everyone at once.
If you do have a recurring 1:1, you can use a lighter weight version of the manager 1:1 agenda. You may also want to add conversation topics around shared goals, responsibilities, and action items to help with accountability.
Ad Hoc 1:1s
Ad hoc 1:1 can take various shapes but primarily help drive to decisions and clarity over work output. For example:
There’s a problem (whether acute or chronic) that deserves prioritized attention
There’s a decision coming that requires input, alignment, or mitigation
There’s a conflict that needs resolution, clarification or clear next steps
There’s a lack of context shared that requires a time for an information download
There are shared goals that force clarifying dependencies and priorities
There’s an opportunity to teach or learn something to uplevel skills
These meetings are the bread and butter of getting real work done. They can also give you a fascinating perspective into priorities on other teams, which can impact future collaboration. Depending on the goal of the meeting, they also serve as an outlet for developing and strengthening relationships that will help you throughout your career.
I think it is helpful to be proactive about making sure you have these 1:1s on your calendar. And, while it is possible to overdo these, most folks tend to under-invest. As a guideline, I've found that having 1 or 2 of these "serendipity 1:1s" over the course of any given week helps a ton.
As always, your agenda should follow your goals and desired outcomes. If you’re just catching up, there’s no need to follow a template. But if you’re discussing a recent problem, it would serve you to start the meeting by articulating the problem everyone is solving and making sure everyone is on the same page. Remember, a problem well stated is a problem half solved.
Once you understand the different types of 1:1s, you’ll need to decide which one is best suited for your goal and execute against it. Let’s walk through how to ensure that goes well.
Execute the 1:1 by Avoiding Common Mistakes
We all know how common it is to have a bloated calendar with ineffective 1:1s, but why?
There are three main drivers here
Insufficient intentionality
Underpreparation
People pleasing
Let’s touch on each, and how to avoid the traps.
Insufficient Intentionality
Don’t show up without thinking about it first (and don’t make others do your dirty work if you’ve called the meeting!) Instead, tailor your 1:1 with the right frequency and a clear goal. Decide which type is the right one for your purpose, and then craft a clear agenda that’s aligned with that purpose. Focus on the right message by honing your communication skills.
As a general rule, a great meeting requires as much time to prepare as the time you spend. So, I’d expect 30 minutes of thought and prep for a great 30 minute 1:1 with your manager.
One way to feel more prepared is to keep a consistent meeting agenda, like this template.
Underpreparation
Most people aren’t great at ad-libbing a meeting, and everyone knows when you’re doing it!. This can lead to poorly focused agendas that lead to rambling conversation or space-fillers. Time is your most valuable asset — make good use of it by preparing in advance for what you hope to get out of the conversation.
That said, agendas themselves don’t automatically lead to productive meetings. Think about what’s actually necessary to get to the outcome you want, and frame your meeting accordingly. An agenda un-followed is useless, as is an agenda disconnected from a tangible outcome.
A simple way to organize our preparation is to start every meeting with “This meeting will be successful if…” Organize the agenda around those objectives and check back in at the end.
People-Pleasing
It’s simple but not easy to remove an event from your calendar. Many folks are afraid to cut meetings if they’re not useful, keeping them around purely to not disappoint the other person.
To be in control of your calendar, you’ll need to learn how to say no just as often (if not more) than yes.
Here’s a tactic I’ve found useful. It helps to have a clear and empathetic response to anyone who requests a recurring 1:1.
"I really appreciate you setting this up. At this point, I'm not able to do justice to recurring 1:1s as they get in the way of me being able to deliver the strategy docs and specs that we need. But, more importantly, they also get in the way of us getting time when something comes up. The approach I'm trying right now is to remove all recurring 1:1s so I can make space for all the ad hoc 1:1s we need. So, please know that we'll still be communicating plenty - across our team meetings, docs, async conversations, and ad hoc 1:1s any time we need it."
Another tactic is to set the recurrence to expire after 3 months. Then only recreate the invite if there’s a strong need.
2 Things You Can Do Today to Start Owning Your Calendar
Once you understand the different types of 1:1s and intentionally prepare for them, you can start owning your calendar and doing your job more effectively.
To get started on the journey, here are two things I’d suggest today:
Do a 1:1 audit. Go through your calendar for the next 2 weeks. As you hover over a 1:1 meeting, take a moment to think about how you feel when you think about the meeting. Are you feeling a sense of boredom or dread? If the meeting inspires anything less than excitement, it might be time to retire that 1:1. To do so, just add a topic to the agenda about whether it is time to change up the meeting. Often, the person on the other side feels the same as you and will really appreciate it.
Put in a recurring 1:1 with yourself to audit your calendar every 3 months. This 1:1 might be the most important 1:1 of them all. :-)
Used well, a 1:1 meeting can be an incredibly powerful tool. But, like all powerful tools, 1:1s can be overused and rendered useless. It is on us to be thoughtful about how we use these meetings on our journey to take control of our calendars and be more intentional with our time.
A free template to guide 1:1s between direct reports and managers.